How to Eat Like a Drunk Parisian

There are many stereotypes about the French and in particular, Parisians. Very often these are false or exaggerated, but one time in which Parisians fully live up to their stereotype is when they are drunk.

Welcome to Madame Blue's guide on how to eat like a drunk Parisian:

Photo: L'ARC

Photo: 750g
The number one snack for Parisians that have had too much to drink is a crêpe (or three). The standard go-to is a Nutella-filled crêpe, maybe with some banana too. It seems bizarre, but honestly, this is 100% accurate; drunk girl with chocolate smeared across her face? She's had her fill of drunk crêpes. Even kebab in Paris is wrapped in a crêpe. Feel like shwarma after the club? Best expect it to arrive wrapped in a freshly made pancake. 

Photo: David Lebovitz
Obviously, your local boulangerie isn't going to be open at 4am, but real Parisians will have thought this through and stocked up on baguettes before going out. It isn't unusual to see one person eat a whole baguette. The thinnest girl will somehow fit that long stick of bread inside her. It's just one of the rules for going out in Paris: eat your drunk baguette when you get home. 


Photo: Fromages et Saveurs
Perhaps one of the most classic French stereotypes, the Parisians truly live up to this one when they've had one too many beverages. Of course, every good Parisian will have a wide selection of cheeses in their refrigerator just in case, so this drunk food is easy to put together. Stood in the dark kitchen at 4am, the light inside the fridge leads the way to the dairy shelf, and the Parisian will stand in front of the open fridge and sample every piece of fromage they can get their hands on. Want to shake things up? Add your cheese to the baguette you bought earlier (see number 2), and voila

Red Wine
Photo: Bio a la Une
After the uber home after a night out, there will always be somebody who whips out a fresh bottle of vin rouge. They claim it helps mellow everyone else and that you'll all sleep better afterward. Of course, all it leads to is black teeth and lips from the wine, and an even worse headache tomorrow. 

Mustard-flavored chips
Photo: Carrefour
Try to have a conversation with one of the boys in the kitchen after a night out? Beware of the mustard breath. Nobody knows how this flavor chip got invented, or why, but it has become a staple drunk food for Parisians, especially the boys. The mixture of red wine and moutarde really clears up the sinuses, and at least you've got something in your stomach now. 

Photo: The Mirror
An unhealthy habit that almost everybody in Paris has taken up, smoking in France is the way to socialize. At the club, the smoking area is more popular than the dancefloor. This trend makes its way back home, and Jean-Claude will be sat on the balcony, watching the sun comes up, with a clope in his hand. Never mind the fact that he has a philosophy class in 4 hours time, he's got to get his fix.

Photo: Usine Nouvelle
These flavorless, too-chewy French candies are worshipped by drunk Parisians. Nobody quite understands why, though. Maybe because the Carambar seems to absorb the mustard-wine-cigarette breath, or that the sugar gives you a final kick of energy. The dribble and stuck-together-teeth don't make for a good look though.

So there we have it. Want to act like a true Parisian? Follow these 7 simple tips to assimilate into this chicest crowd at the after-party.