Pillow Talk: Dealing With Different Libidos

By: Tara Guillaume

Once you embark on the "sexually active" side of life, it becomes obvious that not everyone is always on the same page. Different libidos are arguably one of the most ignored parts of a sexual relationship. All the media I was exposed to while younger always made it seem like the norm was for both couples to want sex at the same time and if one didn't (often the woman) she'd do it anyway because she didn't mind.

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Photo: Tumblr

Not having the same libido as your partner and ignoring it can be the easiest way to destroy a relationship. One person is afraid of letting the other down because they don't desire sex and the other gets frustrated because they might not feel satisfied. While sex is not the sole reason to be in a relationship, the act and the intimacy it creates are undoubtedly important. So if the two halves are not on the same page, where do you go from there?

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In my personal experience, I've taken a partner's lack of interest in sex personally by thinking that perhaps there was something wrong with me or that I was undesirable.

According to an article published in Psychology Today, there are three ways that people with a higher libido process these new relationships. They either push for more sex, take it personally or they go to an outside source for sex. Obviously, none are desired reactions to be on the receiving end of. Clear and honest communication is the best way to go with such a touchy subject. Psychology Today recommended that both parts of the relationship give what they call a sex number. This is when they rate their libidos out of 10, so everyone knows what to expect.

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Photo by Ronne B. 

Some couples also plan out their sex or discuss it before doing it. While this might seem like the spontaneity is being taken out of it, it ensures that everyone is comfortable with what is happening.
Not unlike other aspects of relationships, communication is key when it comes to dealing with different libidos.